long run sunday

I have not written in a few days but that does not mean I have not been training. In fact this week has been mostly speed work. I did intervals and speed drills on my runs this week and 12 mile long run today and it was awful. I had a pain in my thigh that never goes away. I did my first ladder drill and interval sets in the pool on saturday and some sprints on my bike as well on Saturday. I did well at getting my two sets of strength training done this week and I got in the pool four times even if two were really short they count.

Monday was my birthday the big 40 and I really thought I was gonna hate it but I was surprised at how I was really ok with it all. I guess that because my life is right were I want it everything else seems great too. I have an amazing husband who supports me and loves me completely. I have kids who will always test my patients and give me gray hairs, but I know who really love me and support me in anything I want to do. So turning a year older and it being a big number means nothing to me. I am probably the healthiest I have ever been and the happiest at the same time.

Courtney went back with my mom to stay a few weeks with her before summer is over and zach has been spending ever minute he can with his girlfriend. They seem to be growing up way too fast for me.  But I am also enjoying some nice quite time with my husband.  Hopefully he will not have many more trips away for a bit.

My birthday also made me realize I have to start eating better. The girls at the office gave me all cookies for my birthday.  Guess I need to cut the sweets and start back on the fruits and veggies. So here goes another challenge for me. I gave up alcohol and I don't really drink sodas so I can give up sweets too.

need lots more practice.

Well I got me some bike shorts and used them on my 73 mile ride today. I decided to ride 73 because that is the year I was born and tomorrow I will be turning 40. Not happy about that. I originally wanted a 73 mile bike ride and a 15 mile run (brick). Well I knew it was gonna be dead hot when I got done off the bike, it has been 75-80 at 6 am and about 90 in the afternoon. So I decided to run a little before the sun came out. I got in a 4 mile run and then got on my bike. I took the run slow since I did not want to be hurting on bike. I took off on bike and was ok for most of it but the winds really picked up and I was getting pinched on the shorts guess nothing is perfect. It was a rough ride. I have not done that long of a ride in a long time and I realize I need to have more of them. My legs are just beat. I was gonna run when I got off bike but they were throbbing so much I decided against it. Then after my shower and about 5 more minutes they seemed to be fine and I probably could have ran but it was still miserable out. The humidity is awful. I was wet before I even started the bike this morning.

I was hoping that this ride would make me feel better about my training and stuff but it really didn't. I am glad I got some volume in after the way the week started but not feeling real good about my actual abilities. Guess I really need to work harder at this and maybe it will come around.

turning 40

I have decided to make my blog private not sure I can really speak my mind and wonder if others are reading it or not. Lately I have been very down. I am sure it is because I have not had very large amount of training this week, volume wise, and I am gonna be turning 40 on Monday. I hate birthdays just so you know. I tried to do something nice for my twin sister and I am finding that people are very selfish and not true friends. I am realizing that people do not care about anyone but themselves. This is not new to me I just seem to forget from time to time. Not only am I reminded of this but I feel that people do not like to see you happy or successful. If you are then they somehow just disappear from your life. If you are struggling then they seem to want to watch you suffer and give you pretend sympathy. I feel like a lot of people have wanted to me to fail all attempts in my life and because I didn't they just don't want to be my friend anymore. I am sorry for this depressing blog.

Please know I love my family and my true friends. I am just at a low point today/ this week. It will get better just need to get past this feeling of failure, fatness, fatigue.

Vent session

Well the last two days my workouts have not been what I wanted. Life can sometimes really just get in the way. Yesterday I got up and ran and was going to go to the gym after work and swim but my daughter went to the movies all day and I needed to pick her up. Then this morning we were going to go for a long bike ride and we only got two hours in because she had to be dropped off for a boat ride with her boyfriend. Then we went to a movie with my son and I was going to go for a swim after the movies but he wanted to go to the mall to buy his girlfriend a present. I didn't get to the pool before it closed at 5 because of this.  So not only did I get two rest days but I also have had very low volume in training this week. UGGGG I have got to get back to it. I am not a happy person this way. I need my training to keep me balanced. But I do love my family and I do try to balance it all. This is why it aggravates me so when people tell me that I have it easy or better because my kids are older. No mater what age they are they still need their mom. And most of the girls I know do not also have a husband that does the same thing so they always have help. Shaun and I on the other hand are both training so it makes it harder. I am trying not to beat myself up and just focus on Shaun and his training but I can not help but be selfish and want my volume as well.

Sorry for the vent, and thanks I feel better.

Eye opening day.

Not sure why my alarm did not go off this morning at 3:30 am. But it made me realize that my body is finally getting use to me getting up early.  I just wanted to get to the gym. I had not even finalize what I was gonna do when I got there. I needed to get in a swim and a spin. My husband was coming home and I didn't want to miss any workouts and was not gonna miss picking Shaun up. I could not wait to get him home. Well I guess my alarm clock decided for me that I was gonna be forced into a 2nd rest day. This is why I do not like to take a planned rest day. I get forced rest days all the the time. Well I can not stress over it cause I can not go back and fix it, I can just move forward. With that said I have already been thinking of my day off - the 4th and trying to see what I can add into it. I will be so happy if it does not rain.

Sometimes when the alarm clock doesn't work other things do. This afternoon I was talking to a coworker at lunch and I had an eye opening moment into myself. All these talks with my grandmother and these blogs I keep posting about workouts has given me an answer to a very big question I have had over my life. I have always said I am afraid to stop training or take time off from training. I say it is because I am afraid of loosing fitness. Well that is part of it but more of it is the fear of quitting and never going back to it. It is not because I would quit because I don't like to do the sport. It is because I would let my own insecurities get the better of me and stop moving forward. I have to keep moving forward and train all the time with or without a race to keep me from letting my fears win. I have come to far to not continue. I will not let my insecurity get the better of me. Fears of going to the pool or taking a spin class or going to a race starting line. I have proof that it has gotten better. Run races are proof of it. Now if I could get that way with triathlons.

Positive thoughts

Some people really surprise me

Some days I am just amazed at how people are. I am so blessed to have such a great family. My husband, my kids, my mom and my mother in law. I am truly lucky. I know kids will be kids so you gotta understand that when I say I am lucky to have them I know that at times they drive me crazy.What surprises me are that people are so mean. I find myself wondering what happened to sincerity. I guess it is just gone. I guess people only want to be your friend if they need something from you. Otherwise you are nothing, I am ok to just have my family I love them. I am ok to not be famous, I couldn't be that fake. I am ok to be an average athlete, I don't want to have to answer to people. I just don't feel people should judge me. They don't know me. I had a person actually slip when talking to my husband and almost told him that a group of girls where just waiting to see me fail at my attempts of the 140.6 races I did. I don't wish ill on anyone. I don't see why people are so cruel. If you don't want to be my friend then just don't be. Don't pretend. I am not asking you to be I don't need anymore friends.

So today was a rest day but maybe I should have trained. Maybe I would have felt better about things. Oh well tomorrow is another day.