no need for a race

Yesterday was a rough one. It has been a long time since I have been on my bike for that long. We rode 66 miles and with a few stops. I hate to stops but sometime you just can not help it. If you gotta pee and don't want to on your bike there is only one other way to do it. And I needed more water. I need to get out on my bike more. I also need to get more longer bike rides in. I feel my bike has always been my weakest point but I need to somehow make it at not such a big difference. Everyone will ride longer and more often than I do. I just can not get out on my bike as much as everyone else who lives around me. They have more time and the only way I can get out on my bike is if there is no rain after work. Well I live in Florida so my only other option is to take a spin class. At this point those are even getting harder and harder to get in to. I can take one on Tuesday or Thursday morning but then I can not run or swim those mornings. I can only get so much done in the morning before work. So I try to do my bikes after work. It is getting to the point where we may have to get a trainer. I am against it because of the cost. I really don't want to spend the money. But I want my bike to be better so not sure what else to do. I can only juggle so many things. I have to work a full time job and raise two teenagers and since I do not have a race in the near future. I guess I will just have to make it work some how. I do have a race planned but it is not until Jan 2014. And after last weeks worth of training I feel a lot better. I do not feel I need a race. I am more than happy to sit back train with my husband work on getting better and watch him race. I do not have to have one. I like them but it is ok. I so enjoy watching my husband and working out with him as well.

Today I went for a run. I wanted a 10 mile run but oh boy. I usually can keep it to closer to the amount I want but today was awful. I didn't eat dinner last night all I ate was cookies I made for the kids and lunch was very little. After a long bike ride is is usually very hard for me to eat and I had lots  of things to get done after the ride. Both kids needed me to take them somewhere and get picked up. I also had to get some groceries. So I did not do good on my (re) hydration. Hence one of the reasons why my run was so awful. I woke up at 4 this morning and a storm was making all sorts of awful noises. So I decided to go back to sleep and see if it went away. I woke up at 7 and got out the door but it was after 830 and it was already over 85 degrees outside. I started to run and in the first mile I thought what am I doing. This would have been better if I had ran in that awful storm we just had. I would have loved the rain and I would have just ignored the lightening and thunder. I got to mile 5 and wanted to walk. I never want to walk. My legs were not tired but my body just could not do anymore. So I ran home and decided to end my run early. And let me tell you I tried with all my soul to get to mile 8 but could not get to that or mile 10. I had thought maybe I could get out tonight but again another bad storm came in and I still do not feel hydrated. So I am back at the hydration and gonna start another week tomorrow. I am at least getting back to my weekly routine and the hours and mileage etc that I want to be at.

I realize I will never be at the degree that some of my friends are but I will always do my best and that is all I can ask of myself. I would love to be faster and I work hard at what I do but I am only capable of so much. I do not do this tri thing as a full time career so it has to fit into my life not be my life. I have other priorities but with that said I also enjoy this sport with all my heart.

So proud of my amazing husband!

I got in a great tempo run this morning although Shaun tells me I am probably still doing it wrong. 8 hours of work then a spin class and some strength training. yep I call that a good day, But what I wanted to talk about tonight was my husband. Not only did he just recently get a sponsorship with X2performance ,which is what he loves to do. ( triathlons, 140.6 to be exact) But, he has been away at Camp Blanding for Air Assault school kicking butt. This school which he is talking through the Army/National Guard is very intense. They lost over 40 people in the first day or two and he is still there. It has been a huge challenge and he has been very tired and working his butt off. I had no doubt that he would do good. He is nearing the end of his time there and gonna be graduating. He told me today that he has wanted this since he was 14 years old. I am so happy that he has had this opportunity and that his dream is gonna come true. He is a hard working man who is very humble and deserves so much. He takes care of me and our kids and never puts himself first. I love this man with all of my heart and I am so proud of him.

this rain needs to stop

Today I got my butt to the gym this morning. I got there a little late so I only could get in 2500 yards. I felt great, but it was strange watching the sun rise from the pool through the window. After work I was gonna ride but after I got just down the street I could hear thunder and looked around as the wind was blowing me around and saw the clouds were all black. I had forgotten my iPod and Garmin at home which now seems like it was meant to be. I decided it was probably a bad idea to keep going with no one to rescue me if I got stuck and I sure did not want to ruin my new bike. It was too late for me to get to spin class so I will have to just settle for my swim tonight. It seems that it was meant for me not to ride anyway. I needed to rescue my son from the Yatch club as his ride was not gonna get him home by 6:00. This is why I work out in the am. My life's demands in the evening seem to get in the way of training. I wish I could just do more in the morning. However with me not wanting to get up at 345 when the alarm goes off I seem to only get to the gym in time for a swim or spin not both. If I could just get up and be at the pool at 5 I could swim and spin all on Tuesdays and Thursdays at least. Maybe Shaun can help me with that when he gets home. I will run tomorrow morning and get to a spin class at night. Not gonna risk the weather tomorrow I am just gonna go to spin.

I got to talk to my grandmother tonight. I call her every Sunday and she didn't answer so I tried her again tonight. We talked about my social anxiety and we came up with it is just an inherited trait and I need to push myself more. She wanted me to be perfectly clear that she was not telling me to push myself but that she wanted me to be happy. I love her!!! And I so love our weekly talks. Wishing her good health report next week. xxoo

intervals

Today I scheduled myself an am run and a pm swim. Everyone keeps telling me to do intervals on the bike and run as well as the swim I guess. So today I decided was gonna be the day that I actually started and finished a run doing intervals. I never seem to be able to keep doing it the entire run. So today I took off on my run, the first mile was as usual - awful. When I got to my first mile I decided I was gonna do intervals based on songs. I would run hard on one song, and then just run on the next song, pick it up on the next and then go back to normal run etc. I wasn't sure if I was gonna have enough time because I got out late. But I am happy to say I got all six mile in and wasn't late. I even got the kids off to school for their practices. And most importantly, I completed the interval run. In fact I ran 5 miles of the 6 as intervals.

So as always work gets in the way and I have got to earn a paycheck.

Then after work my intentions were to go swim. However, life got in the way. I had to get my daughter who said it was raining but really she just did not want to walk home. Which is only one mile. So I get her and fixed our pool instead.Oh but I did decide since this happened I would do strength training. As I have said before not my favorite but needs to get done.

Six more days and my husband comes home!!!!!

We are not in Kansas any more.

 I finally started a day out right today. I got up and went to the gym. It took every part of me to get there. I think my social anxiety was getting to me. I start worrying before I even get there if I have to share a lane or if there will be too many people swimming. I almost went into tears as I entered into the locker room. I should not be like this, I have been at this pool a million times. As I got to the pool there was only one other person in the pool. Then the " it is gonna be cold" starts with me. I finally get in to the end of the pool, I picked the last lane so if a ton of people come no one will ask for the last lane. I swim and think you have not  been here in a week so get as much time in as you can. I figured after reading that article on the pull buoy I should try to not use it as long as possible. So I did 2000 yards and then I decided I should focus on my stroke some and start using it. I ended my swim with 3000 yards. Longest swim I have done in a long time and so happy I did. I need to do at least two of these a week (3 would be best). I felt like I had my training mind back on track. I felt great. That is until 1/2 way into my bike ride tonight after work.

I decided that because there was a storm coming from the south I should go a little further north and start my ride there. I only wanted an hour ride anyway. I had to take care of some things with the kids. So I went to the park. I could see lots of clouds but no rain. I got my bike together and took off as fast as I could so I could get back before the storm. I went out with what I thought was the wind in my face. I did some intervals that everyone keeps telling me will help with speed. Then I got to my turn around point and thought ahh the wind will be at my back. Well, I was horribly wrong. All I could feel was the wind all over me and thinking I may just be lifted up and taken into a tornado. I keep envisioning the witch from the wizard of oz on her bike. I had no phone on me and I was at least 30 min away, if not more with this increased wind I was facing.  I gave in to the fear and just kept moving forward. I started to think you know there could be winds like this on any race. I tried to not let the wind get the better of me and tried to push myself as much as I could. I figured it was great practice. It made me reflect as I trudge on.

I reflected on the reason for my problems lately. Fear........ it is all about fear. Fear of failure, fear of not getting stronger, fear of not getting faster. What I found was there was nothing to fear. I enjoy what I do and if I don't then that is when it needs to stop. I like to feel sore, I like to hurt. It means I am grown and becoming stronger. When and if I ever sit back and just relax that is when I will stop racing. But at this point I still have the driver and desire so push on. Sometimes I need to be pushed, just like I did this morning at the pool and just like the winds did to me on the bike.  So for now I train.

Sad Rest Day

Today I reset the alarm three times and never got out the door this morning to go to the pool. I have great thoughts about what I am gonna do the next day but lately something strange has been going on with me. I am not sure if it is because I miss my husband who is a way for 12 days.Or, maybe it is because I didn't get accepted for a sponsorship to run another 140.6 before the end of the year. I wasn't sure I even wanted it until I didn't get it. I don't know what is bothering me. I also am not sure why my afternoon workouts are getting twice as hard. The only thing I can think of is that I need to eat more during the day to help keep me going, or better yet get me started on my afternoon workouts. I was so hungry after work I couldn't go for my bike ride either. It didn't help that my sunburn was hurting me and the storm was coming in.

 Therefore today was a rest day. I try to not take rest days because I don't get very long work outs in during the week as it is due to working full time and the kids. However, when I first started training I always took Mondays off. Maybe I just need that one day to not do anything. Especially after a 5 plus hour training weekend. I am not sure I just would rather be sore than feel like this. Not sure a race would help me at this point either. I have some ideas just got to work at it. I love this sport and I love my husband, my family and my friends and all of their support.

missing my husband

Shaun is away for 12 days and it has only been three days and it is killing me. I know that what he is doing is what he wants to do but it is very hard and I worry if he is ok or not.

And remind me to not look back at my speed on runs bikes or swims while he is gone. uggg

Ouch Ouch Ouch

I don't know why I allow my self to sleep in on run days. Especially long run days. Any way I got out for my run this am and the sun had already risen. It was a tough run but not until after I had gotten to the 7 mile mark and then I thought I had gotten a second wind which dies as fast as it came on. I had been stopped by two dog who of course where not on their leashes. Pepper and Emma as their own told me. I have learned to just stop and let them smell me. I do not like to stop but I feel it is better than being chased. If they are gonna bite me I am not fast enough to run from them so it wont help.

I went out this am with the intentions of increasing my distance. I wanted 14 mile. I have done 12 the last two weekend's and just felt I needed to increase it up. Lets just say that while I was ruining I went from "oh I could just do 10 this week, I have done 12 the last to weeks", to "omg..... I could do 8, I did a 7 and a 6 this week I am sure 8 would be OK" to "OK, how about 13, it is more than 12 but not 14" to " I don't care if I have to walk the last mile I am getting 14". I swear I have these talks with myself all the time while I am out there. Not sure why but I feel like I have to talk myself into my long runs just because they can be so boring and hard at times. I don't care how many times I do a distance it seems they are always hard. But I guess if it was easy every one would do it. I like to push myself, I like to see how far I can go and I like to have mileage.  I know it is not good to just add up mileage but I am afraid If I do not keep it up I will lose it. It is just how I feel. It took so much for me to get where I am I never want to go back.

So when I got done with my run I decided it is gonna be a beach day for the kids. I can barely walk so I can just sit on the beach.( I am sore already). I am gonna look like a goof at the beach with my tri tan lines but I know they have been wanting to go. I have contemplate about just wearing my running cloths as that would just cover up the god awful tan lines. And it would also help since when I went into my swim suite drawer I found that my daughter has stolen all my swim suites but one. Off to beach we go. Hope they enjoy it. I may have to bring a book.

long ride

Today I joined my usual training buddy for a long bike ride. We wanted to go for 3.5 hours and throw some bridge repeats into it as well. My new bike was starting to skip gears so I asked if we could ride to the bike shop, which we did.(1.5 hrs away on bike. We got there too early and had to wait a bit so we decided to have a coffee and share a muffin. After my bike got fixed  (which is all normal when the cables start to stretch) we headed back home. Well I should have known it was a bad idea to stop. I hate stopping to begin with and this break was way too long. And it taught me not to eat when or if I have to stop and no coffee. When we headed back it took every bit of me to continue. We suffered through and did 3 hours. Not the 3.5 we wanted to but I had to get back to my kids. My daughter wanted me to take her to Bass Pro and was waiting at my friends house. And my son, well I had no idea what he would want to do but I was sure it was something involving me. This ride I tried out my husband's new seat and really really liked it. Even if the guy on the way down passed me I was still smiling because I was not as uncomfortable this ride. I found it very funny how guys bike riders are so impatient when waiting on red lights for god sake I think it is better than being killed. And there was this one guys who just could not have two girls in front of him even if he was wearing sock shoes and no helmet. Well we taught him and passed him in less than a mile.

We, Kim and I , talked about doing more hill repeats and maybe even taking a trip to Clermont, Fl to do hills up there. I am still trying to find out why my seat is bothering me so much and I really to get a new pair of tri/bike shorts. I hate all of them. I really need to get my bike miles up and get stronger on my bike. We talked a lot about races and if that is what I want or need. I really am not sure what would make me happy right now. I think I need to get out on my bike and just give it all I got but until I can figure out my seat I am not sure I can yet. I think this week is gonna have to be about the bike and it will have to be on the road. Even if I have to take my bike to work every day this week. And try every seat in the house lol.

Thanks Kim for the company today and Thanks Zach for the ice cream. Oh yea that is what my son wanted to do when I got home ice cream. Even when they are almost 17 they still love ice cream.

best and worst run of my life

I woke up late today because of an alarm mishap. I was gonna run in the morning and in the evening either attempt a bike ride or swim. Well due to the fact that I refuse to run no less than two days during the week and one on the weekend I had to just run tonight. When I was done at work I was so mentally exhausted and also lacking any energy I was not sure the two bars I downed at 4 to prepare me for my run was gonna be enough. It looked like rain by work so I decided I would get home and run there just in case the weather got really bad. I also decided to convince my 15 year old daughter that she needed to run too. I told her that she could join and then just go home when she was ready but that she should at least try a mile. For goodness sake I told her I run slow it is not like you are running with Shaun or your brother. So she decided to join me. The minute I stepped out the door and started to run I wanted to stop. Every muscle in my body was rejecting every step I took. But I had my little girl right behind me and I thought to myself... just one mile don't show weakness. So I chug along acting like I was going even slower for her. She tired to stay behind me and I was not sure why. She sure did not know about drafting so I figured she was just trying to disappear. So when she decided to walk some I told her I would loop around and come back until we finally got near the house and I knew she was done. She dropped off with about a mile done for her, but I was at 1.8. I though.... ok Nadine you never go less than 3-4 miles on a short run so hang in there and just finish it out. I left her and trudged on. Between the 2-3 mile mark I started to feel like I was going to pass out. I have had this happen to me one other time and I think it is a hyperglycemia reaction. I got weak and started to shake. I though great this is gonna end my run. As I contemplated turning around or moving forward I though this is that saying Shaun always says "I want to feel what it is like at mile 20 when........." and then I found out I was still just moving forward. slowing but still moving. I guess I had decided to see if I could just finish. My entire body was hurting weak and barley moving but my lungs never tired. It was the weirdest feeling. I ran passed this lady who looked great and made me feel even worse and I thought ugg. I will always be slow and why does she look so good. And thank god we are going the opposite direction because then she would know how slow I really am if she was passing me. Then I turned around and headed home. The direction she was already headed. A small part of me hoped she had to stop and take a break or was walking or anything. But nope, of course not she was long gone. I neared my house and had to do some loops around the front of the house to get my pathetic 6 miles done but I did it. In 90 degree weather and gut pains as well as no drive or energy but I did it. And at the end it made me realize I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I may not be able to run 6 min miles or ride my bike at 23 miles per hour but I get out there and put my time in and do my hard work just like those people. Sp it was a good run because it showed my what I am capable of and my daughter was with me for some of it. It was the worst run for obvious reasons.

Today I had blood work and an ultrasound of my abdomen. I finally went to the doctor on Monday because it has been too long and us women have to go if we want to or not.  When the dr touch me I jumped off the table, so he ordered all this stuff for me to do. I am happy to say it is nothing. I never even knew I had a pain until he touched it. Because it is nothing I am starting to think it was just a pulled muscle. Any way that brings me to my subject of the day. When my doctor put gallstones and gallbladder problems into my head it made me worry that I would have to have surgery. The worry was not about being cut open, but about not being able to run or bike or swim for a while. I have been looking for a race and just can not seem to find one. I keep going back and forth with the the idea of:  do I need a race to make me faster and keep training hard or do I just need to train hard and not race for a bit. I have never been happy with my speed on the bike and I want to become a stronger biker. I am ok with my run but I would always like it to be faster wouldn't we all. My swim I could also work on. But l the question is still there will I get stronger and faster with a race in my future or will I be more focused with nothing to distract me. I tend to do go with long distance evens because I conserve myself but maybe if I just pushed it with no concern of the DNF then maybe I could get faster. I know I need speed work and to do more strength training but I again am so concerned with being too sore to do other workouts. Hmmmm

just started blog

Not sure how this blog thing goes, but felt the need to start one. I am in a low volume in training and need an outlet and a way to talk things out. So I felt this would be a good start to a new view on things. So here goes nothing. I will eventually get to putting this all together. At least for now I have a name and title.